For by Four

For by Four

For Four months now

I've held your hand

Calmed you down

Wiped your tears

Listened to it all

Every fucking rant

Each and every pain

Tears falling like rain

Made you laugh out loud

When you didn't want to smile

Caressed your battered ego

Assuaged all your fears

Told you I love you

Hugged you tight

Held you close

Heard all your moans

All the ups and downs

Been there without fail

Day or night, ALL night

And now I see at last

The days you don't call

The days you don't message

The days with no contact

The days when I don't exist

I know you have a life

As do I with my kids

I know you have been hurt

As have I for so long now

But I'm there for you

I don't hide behind

My life doesn't intrude

You my love, I include

We were set to heal

Each other’s battered

Hearts and minds and souls

Bandages of Love and care

At least that what I thought

But when the big one happens

You feel down coz this isn't right

You have to get a job and fight

  

Your art has to step aside

Just for a short while

So you can make money

You go into a spin again

And there I am once more

Words of praise and love

Accepting what must now happen

Little time for us together

I know this and deal

But on the biggest day

Where are you now ?

Nowhere to be seen or heard

I know it's not easy

It’s not for me too

But I wanted to be there

For you on this day

Deafened by the silence

Blinded by the dark

Sleepless with worry

Dragged down by care

I don't want to disturb you

I know there's a lot to do

I wait patiently by the phone

Only to spend my night alone

Not even a message

Nor a quick call

"I don't wanna talk now"

That would settle my nerves

But it seems to me

That it's all one way

Until it suits you

And then it just hurts

Cuts deep into my soul

I've offered up my heart

Like the daft old cunt I am

Bare and open wide

Never felt this way before

So willing to bare my soul

Spread wide for you to enter

Unafraid of loving you

Stripped right back

To the very bones

Everything laid out

Just for you to take

And take you have

With so little in return

Making myself believe

Ends up in make believe

Allowed myself to care

Once more I give it all

And once more the pain

That's all I get in return

Not again, no more

I truly found love

This time deep inside

And now tossed aside

This time I thought

It was for real, so true

Never had I felt this way

The depth of my love

So scared every moment

So blissfully happy every day

So afraid of it going wrong

So wary of your pain

And yet here it is again

A hole in my heart so big

All of my love drains out

Leaving me empty inside

So I retreat once more

No more pain for me

Safe back here again

Behind the wall of loneliness

Here I'll stay now

Alone in the dark

In here it doesn't hurt

In here I can heal